I am beyond annoyed. If I weren't so nosey and just minded my own business, I wouldn't be so bothered. Anyways, it all started when my beetle friend Susku married Mushu the mouse. A beetle and a mouse. Getting married. Weird, right? Whatever, as long as they're happy. But Susku didn't even have really try to get Mushu to notice her. I was flying around town when I saw her all dressed up, so I decided to perch myself on a nearby fence to see what the occasion was. Then, Mushu popped out of his hole and asked where she was going and she told him that she was going to get married.
Intrigued, I moved to a closer shrub to hear more.
"Why don't you marry me?" he asked her. Her only requests before agreeing to marry him were that she sleep in his arms and that he beat her with nothing stronger than his tale. That's it? He didn't even have to work for it and neither did she! Ugh. So she left to go take a bath. On her way home, she fell crossing the stream. Mid-panic, she saw a farmer by the stream. She told the farmer to go get Mushu and for him to tell Mushu to get a golden ladder to save her. So mid-drowning she decides to be high-maintenance and demand to be saved with a GOLDEN ladder. If it weren't gold, would she have refused to climb it? Geez. Of course, Mushu makes a golden ladder out of carrots and save her, and they go and get hitched.
Dear Diary,
Today has been the weirdest day and it's all because of Mushu and Susku.
I was flying around town as per my usual routine. I decided to see how the newlyweds were doing and stopped by the closest shrub I could find without them noticing me. Mushu asked Susku to make him some soup while he ran some errands. Of course Susku obliged because she loves Mushu very much. Everything was going really smoothly until a big gust of wind came rolling through. The wind was so strong that it lifted her tiny body and she fell into the pot of soup and drowned. I didn't realize she should couldn't swim and I was getting pretty bored watching her make soup that I didn't really notice she was drowning until it was too late. Then, Mushu came home and found her; this is where the story gets really weird. He found her and was obviously very heartbroken, so he throws ashes on his head. Why?
I decided to head home. As I was barely in the air, Mushu comes out of his house. I didn't want him to know that I was witnessed the whole thing and could have saved his wife so I asked him what was wrong and why he was covered in ashes. He responded, "Didn't you hear? Susku drowned, and I poured ashes on my head."
I felt so horrible for witnessing the entire thing and not helping so I told him I was sorry for his loss and quickly flew to a tree and shook out my feathers because I felt so guilty. But now I feel naked and weird, which is a small price to pay for the amount of guilt I have. Then, the even nosier tree just had to know what was going on so I told her, "Susku drowned, Mushu poured ashes on his head, and I shook out my feathers."
The tree then shook out all of her leaves. When the creek saw that the tree shook out all of her leaves, they also asked why because they hadn't heard. The tree told the creek, "Susku drowned, Mushu poured ashes on his head, the crow shook out her feathers, and I shook out my leaves."
I kept trying to head home but it was difficult to fly without feathers. I took a break on another branch when I noticed that the creek turned muddy to pay its respect. I thought that was very kind. But being guilt-striken, I took off for home to be alone with my thoughts. I made it a little further on down the road when I noticed the creek was visiting the corn in the desert and told them why they were so muddy, "Susku drowned, Mushu poured ashes on his head, the crow shook out her feathers, the tree shook out her leaves, and we turned muddy."
I was sitting on a fence post when I noticed that the corn was very upset by the news and laid their heads on the ground. I had no idea everything and everyone would be so affected by Susku's death. I wish I would've realized she needed help. Then the farmer saw his corn upside down and asked them why they were doing that. "Susku drowned, Mushu poured ashes on his head, the crow shook out her feathers, the tree shook out her leaves, the creek turned muddy, and we laid our heads on the ground," replied the corn.
I was still sitting on the fence post to take a break when suddenly the farmer impaled himself with the handle of his shovel. Another death all because of me! Why did I have to be so nosey?
Then, his daughter came outside to give him his lunch when she found him. She threw her father's lunch of curd all over herself because of what he had done, and went and told her mother. I flew to the open window in their kitchen to make sure nothing terrible would happen. Her mother was very upset and cut off her own thumbs and put them on the griddle. I can't handle all of this! I am so filled with sorrow and grief. All of these terrible things happened because Susku drowned and I didn't do anything to stop it.
And I still haven't made it home.
Author's note:
I read Persian Tales this week. This story is about all of these terrible things happening, all because of Susku, the beetle, drowning. It is an accumulation story, which I tried to show at the end, but it was a little difficult to do in diary form. These tales were very different than anything else I have read so far in this class. I liked the abrupt endings of these tales. They leave you dumbfounded and sitting there confused; it was kind of odd to read and think it's going to keep going and then it just ends. I also really liked how a lot of them started out with "Once upon a time there was a time when there was no one but God." The story of Susku and Mushu was a very memorable story. A man impales himself and then his wife cuts off her thumbs. All because a beetle drowned. In the original, the repetitious part that keeps getting more things added to it was longer than mine. I thought shortening it might make it easier to read as well as make more sense with it being in diary form. I think I kept to the original story, but just told it from the crow's point of view.
I used this image because it's pretty dramatic. Before reading the story, I scrolled down to see how long it was and then there's a picture of man with a shovel handle going through him. I of course had to read to find out why.
Bibliography: Persian Tales, translated by D.L.R. Lorimer and E.O. Lorimer and illustrated by Hilda Roberts (1919)
Susku and Mushu
Liz, I REALLY loved this story! I read the Persian Fairytales unit and was really intrigued by it! The fact that all the stories start with the same line about a time when there was only God end with the crow never made it home is sooo odd. But I love that you turned your story into a diary and used the crow's perspective! That was such a good and creative idea! I like that you choose this story as well. I liked it, but it was so weird. From the mouse getting married, her demands and ideals for marriage to the farmers impaling himself and someone cutting off their hand, I really wondered what in the world was happening in this story. Either way, I think you did an awesome job retelling this!!!!!
ReplyDeleteLiz, I loved that you made this story into a diary entry! This was a very creative way to retell the story! Also I liked that you told it from the crow’s perspective and gave the crow many human-like thoughts and remarks; it was very entertaining! I also enjoyed the end and how the actions of the characters continually built upon one another. Great job!
ReplyDeleteLiz,
ReplyDeleteI think that you did a really great job of retelling this story. One of the things I liked most was that you kept to the original story pretty closely so it was easy to follow. I think that deciding to tell it in the diary format was very creative and really allowed for you to show how imaginative you can be. Overall great job!
Liz, I really enjoyed reading your version of this story. Although I did not read the Persian Tales unit, I found that your author's note helped me really understand this specific story! I can only imagine how fun the actual tale was to read! Like you stated about the abrupt endings in these stories, I feel like that allows you to make up your own ending to the story! You did a great job of telling it from the crow's perspective, I think it always adds dynamic and detail to the story when told from an alternate view! I appreciated how you used direct language that was to the point and not too wordy!
ReplyDeleteI am excited to read what else you're going to include in your portfolio!
Liz,
ReplyDeleteI believe that I read your earlier version of this story this past week or so. I like how you mentioned that in the original the stories end abruptly, because when I read your first retelling I was wondering where you got this inspiration. I can only imagine how tricky this story was to read in the unit since you mentioned how there was far more repetition than what you have included. I like how you added the "dramatic image" to the end of your story since the story itself is very dramatic it added an effect. Even after reading this story for the second time I still find it as dramatic as I did the first time. I, again, enjoyed the way you told this story in a diary fashion. This was very considerate of your audience since the Sparrow is able to give insight to what happens between the characters. I like, and am glad, that the narrator addresses some questions that the reader may have in the beginning of the tale (such as why a beetle and a mouse would get married). This allows the reader to focus on what is going on in the story instead of contemplating this fact in the story.
Elizabeth, what an absolutely fantastic story, and very clever retelling I might add. I loved it. The emotions that were used were brilliant and really brought your retelling to life. I really enjoyed that the main character demonstrated a hint of jealousy and outrage at the same time a few times during your retelling. Your writing was actually quite inspiring to me because of the way that you kept your story from droning too long. I always am finding difficulty in finding a good way to fast-forward through my story, or stop from adding too much irrelevant information into it, but you found the solution – “And now fast forward to today.” It’s brilliant! I liked how you left the diary hanging, never knowing whether or not they made it home safely. The way that you made the mourning of nature into a chain of events was well done as well. It very much mirrors real life in the way that when someone finds out about a passing in a friends family they do something to pay their respects and then tell someone else who also cares for that person so that they may also do something out of respect for their friends loss (this usually involves cooking, at least in my family’s case). Great job. I look forward to reading more of your portfolio!
ReplyDeleteLiz, this is a wonderful adaptation of Aesop’s Dogs and Cats. I remember reading this story in the Aesop Reading Unit. I might have even retold it myself in the storytelling section. I couldn’t agree with you more regarding keeping the Fox alive for the benefit of the storytelling style that you chose. Many people, I’m discovering, like to use the diary style of writing. I need to give this style a try.
ReplyDeleteWhile I was reading the Cat’s diary, I was imagining my cats. I think you really captured the nature of them. They sleep all day long and then, when you wake them up, they give you this look like, “excuse me, but if I don’t get my 16 hours of sleep in a day, I am just no good in the morning.” IT’S TRUE!!
Then, when you hear it from the Fox’s point of view, you actually feel sorry for him. He was just so excited to talk to Cat and tell her about his new tricks and she just wouldn’t even give him the time of day.
I’m a bit torn though. Although the cat always manages to get away, she’s a one-trick pony. You know? But the Fox, he had an arsenal under his belt, which could’ve been applied to many different situations. So…….
Great story, Liz. I enjoyed it very much. Keep up the excellent writing.
I have to say that this was a very interesting read haha. An awful lot seems to happen, because of a beetle drowning. You did a great job of explaining everything, ans showing how the Crow feels more and more guilty as bad things keep happening. You are a great writer, keep it up!
ReplyDelete