Dear Diary,
Mr.
Fox is one of my best friends even though he can be a bit much to handle at
times. He can be really uppity and boastful. We get along really well, but some days I just can’t handle him and would rather he just not bother me. Today, he was being especially
annoying. Like, more annoying than
usual, which is really hard to believe. I
was taking my regular midday nap in the sun, when he came over and started
poking me, and yelling at me to wake up.
He even stepped on my tail! Ugh.
He woke me up for the most pointless reason too. He ran all the way over just to tell me
he learned a bunch of new tricks for escaping from his enemies and
predators. Like I care. I only have one way of escaping that
always works for me, and that’s all I need. Why would you want so many options? Whatever. Then, out of no where, some dogs came. I quickly climbed up the tree and hid high within the
branches. Mr. Fox was clearly
having a hard time choosing which one of his tricks he would use as his escape method because the dogs found him. They
almost killed him too! Luckily for Mr. Fox, he only lost his tail. Maybe now he’ll stick to one method that he knows really well. And then maybe one day he'll finally learn to not bother me when I'm asleep; that'll be the day.
-
Cat
Dear Diary,
Today
completely sucked and I am so glad it is finally over. I can honestly say it was one of
the worst days of my life. I have
been learning new tricks for escaping from my enemies and have spent countless
hours practicing them. Today, I
finally perfected them. I went
over to Cat’s house to tell her all about it because I was so excited. She's so good at everything, so I thought she would be happy that I found something I was good at. When I got there, she was asleep, as
per usual. Does she do anything
else? Good grief. So, I woke her up to tell her the
exciting news. She could not have
been less interested. She was so
angry at me for bothering her during what was probably her tenth nap that day that she wasn’t even
slightly happy for me. I worked
really hard learning these tricks!
I was trying to show her some of them when a bunch of dogs started
running towards us. I was so
flustered that I couldn’t decide which trick I wanted to use. By the time the dogs got there, it was
too late for me to decide; they chased me until I found a hole to crawl into,
but they bit off my tail! Cat
didn’t even try and help me! I
spent the rest of the afternoon in the emergency room getting stitches. To make matters worse, I now have to
sit on a donut for the next couple of weeks. What am I going to do about my tail?
- Mr. Fox
From Aesop's Illustrated by Milo Winter The Fox and the Cat
Author's Note: Aesop (Jacobs) >>> Dogs and Cats >>> The Fox and the Cat
I thought I would try something different and write this story in diary form. I've never written anything in this style, so it was a nice change. In the original story, the fox is killed by the dogs because he could not decide what escape plan to use, and by the time he did choose it was much too late. Since I wanted to write in diary form, I thought it was necessary to write a diary entry from both the cat and the fox's perspective to better tell the story. Other than changing the ending, I think I kept to the story pretty well. I think I kept the moral of the original story the same in mine as well, except that the fox in my story actually gets to learn from his lessons. It was really fun writing a fable in this way since most of them are really short so this helped to expand.
This image is the one used in the Aesop (Winter) book. The one used in the Aesop (Jacobs) book isn't as nice in my opinion and it's kind of busy because it tells another story in the image. Plus, I really like Milo Winter's illustrations.
This image is the one used in the Aesop (Winter) book. The one used in the Aesop (Jacobs) book isn't as nice in my opinion and it's kind of busy because it tells another story in the image. Plus, I really like Milo Winter's illustrations.
Bibliography: Bibliography: The Fables of Aesop by Joseph Jacobs (1894)
Liz, is there a reason why you did not write a story about Cupid and Psyche? The idea is to think as you are reading about what kind of story you want to retell, rather than picking some other story at random to work on for your storytelling. I'm glad you enjoyed the Aesop's fables and wanted to work on that, and next week as you are doing the reading, think about your own story WHILE you are doing the reading so that you will be able to connect the two instead of telling a random story. If you really liked the Aesop, then do this unit for next week, for example - write up some notes about your reading (since you didn't do that), and find another fable to tell. That might be a good solution for Week 3!
ReplyDeleteI really liked your diary format. I especially love how you had each character write about the same event. It is nice to read things from each point of view. I feel like the lesson of this fable is that sometimes less is more. Having one way to do something and perfecting it is better than being an amateur at a lot of different ways to do something.
ReplyDeleteI liked your story! I think it was clever to do two diary posts from each of the animal’s perspectives rather than just one: that way, the reader knows both sides of the story. And I’m glad you saved the life of the fox in your tale. Maybe in your version, the fox finally learns his lesson rather than meeting a sad fate.
ReplyDeleteLiz, I had never heard of the story you were retelling so I decided to actually read it beforehand. In doing so, I realized how creative you were with your idea to tell the story from both perspectives in a diary format. That was really unique!!
ReplyDeleteOther than that, I really just enjoyed your story in general. It was easy to read, and fun to see the thoughts about how one animal looked at the situation compared to the other. Overall, it was a really good story. Good job!!
Liz, your story shows how well the comparison of diaries show much we tend to forget the feelings and thoughts of others. In this case, Cat probably didn't realize how standoffish she came across, and her relative lack of concern led to Fox's almost getting killed. Beyond that, there isn't much. Your variety in sentence structure makes the story easy to read, and that should have you conifident in your ap
ReplyDeleteIt seems that one of your strong suits in writing is your ability to use tone to communicate personality and demeanor. When I read Cat's entry, I could easily tell that she is a character who is not willing to suffer a fool. Your skill also shows in Fox's entry, but in his case, the reader gets a sense of how young he comes across.
There are a few misspellings that you will want to take care of once you revise this story in your portfolio. The one error that stood out was your use of "tale" where one should use "tail." Unless you were trying to create a pun, I think you meant to write "tail." Beyond that, you have a good amount of sentence variety, which helps make your story easy to read. Good work!
Thank you for telling me about the tail/tale misspellings! I wasn't even aware i had done that haha. How embarrassing.
DeleteI love the approach you took on this story for your portfolio. I did not read the Aesop’s tales unit but your Author’s note provided me with ample information to see how you adapted your story from the original. I like the diary form you took with it, and it really gives you the freedom the show the emotions behind what each animal was thinking about the situation, rather than just the plot. I also think it was a great idea to write it from both points of view. You hear the nagging of the cat in her post. And then you switch and hear the fox’s discontent with the situation. You used language that was simple and not overly scholarly, which works perfect for expressing their thoughts! No one thinks in perfect sentences or complex vocabulary. Even though in the original the fox dies, I think it was creative how you just had the tail nipped off, and that way the fox could still have the diary entry.
ReplyDeleteSome Editing Tips: The first two sentence of the first paragraph might be better rearranged to “Mr. Fox is one of my best friends. Even though he can be a bit much to handle at times, he can also be really uppity and boastful.” There should not be a comma in the sentence that reads “and started poking me, and yelling at me to wake up”
ence of the
Hello Liz! I am commenting on your portfolio. I am not quite sure what the portfolio is exactly but I know I am to read a story under the label titled portfolio. I really like the diary storytelling style. I think this really helps the reader see what the character sees and feels. I feel for the cat. We have all had that one friend who can annoy the crap out of us. For some reason though, they are a part of our lives and we keep them around. I think it was kind of sad that the cat didn’t help the fox when he was in trouble. I know he was upset with the fox but he could have distracted the dogs to help the fox escape. I do agree that it is always good to learn one thing really well but I think a couple of options is good as well. So I think the fox should use one trick most of the time but if that trick isn’t working her should try one of his other tricks. Then after reading the fox’s diary I felt really bad for him. He just wanted to show his talented friend his new tricks but cat didn’t care. This caused fox to ultimately get his tail bit off. I think you did a great job with this form of writing and a great job with this story.
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness, I loved reading this storytelling post! I honestly really like using the diary format; it's so fun and is a change of pace from other storytelling strategies! I also liked how you had a diary entry for both the cat and the fox, instead of picking one. It definitely helps to know both sides of the story. I thought the cat's personality was hilarious. The 'I don't care' attitude was portrayed really well. I also felt sorry for the poor fox! All he wanted was to show off what he'd learned and he got his tail bitten off! Poor fox...
ReplyDeleteHey Liz, I really enjoyed reading this diary story! My favorite part about the diary format is how you can see the story from both views. It is definitely a clever way to tell a story. It also allows the reader to get a sense of each different animals personalities. I felt like your writing conveyed those personalities to the reader very well. I was clear too see how steamed the Cat was when she was woken up from her nap! The diary entry for the Fox made him seem kinda scatterbrained which I think played perfectly into the plot of the story. I like that you changed the end of the story so that the fox doesn't die. It reminded me of a story in one of the Brer Rabbit units. Brer Rabbit ends up getting his tail stripped of its fluffiness because he thought he was too clever for his own good. The Fox was more enveloped with all his new found tricks and not his cleverness though. Overall I rather enjoyed this story. It was a cute read and definitely made me smile multiple times. I hope you enjoy creating the rest of your portfolio!
ReplyDeleteLiz,
ReplyDeleteThis was a very interesting way to tell the story. We basically get to see the story from the view of the cat first, then we get even more insight as we read the diary post from the fox himself. It is definitely a creative take on the Aesop tale. It also makes sense that you let the fox live in the end, otherwise we would not have been able to read the diary post after the main events of the story. However, I would have also liked to read a diary post from the fox before he went to talk to the cat. It could demonstrate his excitement for the tricks he learn, along with a short description of each, and his anticipation for telling the cat all about it.
Hey Liz!
ReplyDeleteYour retelling of this story was fantastic. I thought the diary entry format was a great idea for comparing and contrasting the personalities of the two central characters. It was interesting to see that while the cat viewed the fox as a nuisance, bothering him without reason during his rest, the fox saw the cat as a great friend who he wanted to share his new knowledge with.
I do feel bad for the fox, losing his tail after getting rejected by his friend, but I can sympathize with both of the characters you have crafted. On one hand, I do value my sleep, and I would certainly be annoyed with anyone poking me and yelling at me to get up, especially when they just want to show me a simple trick. However, on the other hand, I can sympathize with the foxes excitement to share something you think is great with a friend, even if it means waking them up from their nap.
You did a wonderful job of conveying the personality of these two characters through the tone of their diary entries. I can really envision the sassy annoyed cat and the almost foolish excitement of the fox.
This story makes me so sad... I would be heart broken if my best friends just stopped talking to me and wouldn't even help me... I love how you use the diary style. I still think you are one of the best at using it! You do a very good job of creating the character through their writing and it is great! Keep up the good work!
ReplyDelete